Happy Friday Beauties 🙂
It’s June 22, 2018 and that means in two days, yet another year will be added to my belt. I hate that the theme song for this one has to be “I’m feeling 22” by Taylor Swift (she’s terribly irritating, don’t fight me) but oh well, I’ll live. I’m going to look back at this post years from now and yearn for times like these, when I felt excited to be one more year older. It’s the irony (the catch-22) of life – you are young and wish for the years to hurry on up so you can experience independence and fulfill that age-old proverb of becoming wiser; and then you are an adult with real-life responsibilities and decisions to make and your youth becomes but a wistful memory…
Grappling with change
Thinking back, I am definitely a different person than I was just a year ago. The strongest realisation I’ve come to is that with time, not only do the people around you change, but so do you. It’s been a strange period of changing friendships, adjusting my ideals and beliefs, and correcting some of my own prejudices. I say strange because it isn’t always easy grappling with the change that blooms when the core things you felt so strongly about before gradually morph into looser threads that you now allow more wiggle room for. I don’t know, I’m still figuring it out.
I’ve always been told that I’m really mature for my age, and finally, at laaaaaassstt, the old lady within seems to have fully caught up with me :’). I take more comfort now in drinking hot chocolate and watching movies than in shaking my booty at the club, and comfy pajamas and freshly-washed sheets really warm me up inside. To be fair, watching a movie takes less effort than doing ivosho on the dancefloor, so I must check my bias in this case hahaha. Nevertheless, I’m OK with the fact that I’m starting to find pleasure in doing different things, like travelling, blogging, cycling, and cooking. That doesn’t mean you won’t ever catch me turning up though, as a matter of fact this birthday will probably be celebrated at the club. Don’t mind me, I’m finding myself.
A difficult concept. Acceptance of my flaws and weird quirks is something I have just recently made a priority. I spend lots of time by myself, not only because I am happy with my own presence and company, but because I’m still learning the ins and outs of who I am. No pressure. Love of self for me, equals being assured that you are enough, even on days when you really don’t feel that way. It means intentionally inserting yourself into spaces where you are welcomed and feel 100% comfortable, and removing yourself from those where you are not. Easier said than done really.
The Final Half
I definitely love that my birthday falls right at the mid-point of the year. So any bad choices I made during the first half are essentially erased and reset at this time… JK. It’s a great opportunity though, for me to stop for a moment and reflect. I saw a quote the other day that resonated with me to this effect.
“Make a list of things that make you happy. Make a list of things you do everyday. Compare the lists. Adjust accordingly.”
WOW. Doing this exercise will not only make you realise that your happiness depends on you, but also that happiness is something you have to choose every single day. It really isn’t a goal that can be reached at the end of the week/month/year; it’s something that is reflected through your daily thoughts and lifestyle. I’m excited for this final half. I am preparing my mind a season of hard work and focus as I complete my final year of Uni, and also for more joy to be unwrapped doing and growing the things that I love most.
The Jar Of Happiness
At the beginning of January, I bought a huge jar. I labelled it the jar of happiness. Every time something good has happened to me this year, I’ve written it down on a piece of paper and put it in that jar. My goal is to open it up on New Years Eve, and see all of the things that made me smile or dance throughout the year. It’s easy to look back at each year and feel like you did not make any progress or didn’t have any positive experiences, but I think reminders like this essentially help to ground me and prompt me to be grateful for this thing called life. I’ll be back to give an update on this when I have opened up the jar. Here’s to 22 and here’s to reclaiming the rest of this year.
(Photos courtesy of Kundie Khuleya)